The Fabulous Adventures of Goldie-Locks and Test-Tube Baby
by Drinking Again
Summary: Meet Cam, an intrepid Australian teenager with a merman as a best friend, and whose favourite song is Jingle Bells. Joining him is Kali, a handicapped test-tube merman, who also happens to be an agent of the questionable mermaid justice system. Together they shall be exploring the ocean, providing commentary on Zac's falling-to-pieces life, and nursing an addition to video games.
1. 1 - Part of Your World

**Welcome to The Fabulous Adventures of Goldie-Locks and Test-Tube Baby. This is an OC ff, and maybe even an OCs ff depending on how wild and free I'm feeling. ****I hope you will join me for this ride of sarcastic comedy, endless banter, and hopefully, amongst it all, we might even find some genuine heart-felt moments. Maybe even a little drama.**

**Please enjoy your stay, and all the gay. **

**Warnings: **Contains slash, OCs, tongue-in-cheek humour, swearing, sexual comedy, and a drowning Cam.

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**Part of Your World**

Cam probably should have worked out that shit was going to get gay when he was rescued Little Mermaid style by a merman.

Admittedly, he also should have known that someday, he was going to end up nearly drowning. The problem was that when you have a newly formed merman as your best friend, you tend to find yourself in such impossible scenarios that you lose all grasp of common sense.

It was late evening and the weather was atrocious. Not just 'stormy' either. The waves were a good metre tall, and you couldn't see your hand before your face thanks to the rain. It was falling so heavily it hurt when it drummed down upon your head, although most people were wise enough to be locked up indoors, watching the weather channel for further guidance.

Of course, most people don't have a merman as a best friend.

Earlier that day, Cam had gone out with Zac to Mako, back when the skies had been clear and the ocean had been flat. With their usual cover of going on a diving trip, Zac had swum around with his pretty blue tail whilst Cam had wetsuited-up to join him. Together, they'd explored the reef, Zac showing off his new fancy mermaid powers whilst Cam had functioned as his audience.

When the weather had started to turn, however, they'd both agreed to end the diving session for the day. Zac promised to meet Cam back on the mainland's pier and had then rocketed off underwater, as enthusiastic as ever. "One last swim," Zac had said, grinning in his usual goofy manner.

Cam had not been so lucky. No sooner had Zac left did he discover that the boat's engine was playing up. Whenever he tugged the starter chord it would release a moody growl, like a bear unwilling to be awoken from its slumber. As the skies darkened from sunny blue to the grey of storms, he became increasingly desperate. The boat started to rock from side to side as the waves rose, lapping into the side of the boat, innocently at first, then with greater force.

By the time he'd coaxed the engine into functioning the skies were pouring with rain and he had to grip the boat to keep himself from falling. Squinting through the rain, completely disorientated and with no clue as to which direction the mainland lay in, Cam kept on going. Firmly grasping the rudder he navigated his way across the rolling ocean, praying for a miracle.

His luck being what it was, however, no miracle ever came. Just as the heavens began to rumble with thunder, promising yet more fun to come, Cam's boat overturned, dumping him into the freezing bitterness of the sea. The cold was the least of his worries though. Every time he managed to resurface, seconds later a wave would cut over his head. He barely had enough time to choke up the water that had flooded him, let alone breathe, before another wave dunked him down.

The periods between being above the water and buried beneath it began to blur all into one as his mind became woozy, and the furious kicking of his legs started to weaken as exhaustion set in. When he surfaced he did so by chance, his body bobbing up in snatches. He gasped in breath but was barely conscious of it, his vision spinning. Around him thunder was cracking, fading into the noise of the crashing waves. Somewhere in the back of his head, a voice was mumbling the same thing over and over.

_You're going to drown. You're going to drown. _

He tried to ignore it, tried to fight back against the tiredness, to keep his eyes open and his legs kicking. If he could just find the boat, maybe he could use it to keep afloat.

_Hey, guess what? You're going to drown. _

Snorting to himself with a twisted smirk, Cam could only agree. There wasn't much hope left in the situation. He could no longer feel his limbs and his face was numb, his lips blue and purple. Mostly, he just wanted to sleep. It didn't seem like such a bad idea. Surely sleeping would be better than drowning.

As his consciousness started to slip away, however, he felt something around his waist. It took him a good while to actually register the feeling, the numbness prominent throughout his body, but eventually he had to acknowledge that yes, there was something wrapped around his middle.

He then noticed something else. He was moving, and at a considerable speed too. Admittedly it wasn't the best rescue ever; half the time whatever was carrying him seemed to be aiding the waves in holding him underwater, but all the same, he was moving. Bleary from his half-consciousness, he experienced little more than a feeling of mild, pleasant surprise. Relief washed over him, and in an exhausted daze he welcomed sleep with open arms.

When he awoke, he did so on dry ground. It was light too, for he had to squint to cope with the sudden brightness. Blue skies soared overhead, and there was the cool, refreshing breeze of the ocean shore blowing across his face.

The initial moment of tranquillity was somewhat ruined, however, when he started spluttering up water, turning his head aside to cough it up onto the sand. His body ached with each shudder that ran through it, but it emptied the water out of his system and by the end, he almost felt as good as new. Almost.

Then, beside him, he heard the sound of someone else spewing up water, spraying it across the sand. His head still pounding from dehydration and exhaustion, it took Cam a moment to regain command over his body. When he finally did, however, he turned his head, looking over to the other side to locate the source of the coughing.

Whoever the hell they were, Cam didn't recognise them, but he did recognise the thing hanging off of their hips.

_Another merman_? He thought blearily, groaning slightly at the prospect. Zac was enough to deal with, but now there was another one, choking up water beside him.

The merman emptied a few more bouts of water out onto the sand and then sighed, wiping his mouth with the heel of his hand. "There is nothing more embarrassing than a merman nearly drowning," the individual beside Cam muttered to himself, glowering at the patch of sand he had just wetted.

Snorting in amusement, unable to stop himself, Cam couldn't help but find the sheer surrealism of the scenario amusing. The only thing the moment was missing was a big ol' Disney song number and a rock for them to pose dramatically upon.

His vision becoming clearer and his head now able to process a little more, Cam examined the individual beside him. He didn't exactly tick the 'Heroic Rescuer' boxes. Shirtless, as Cam had noticed most mermen tended to be, the fish-boy next to him was as scrawny as they came, his skin pale enough for it to look almost sickly. His tail was odd too. Cam could see that underneath, it was the same blue colour as Zac's, but there was a black, rot-like substance that had entreated upon it.

Then of course there was the deformation. One side of the boy's tail was ragged, the fin battered and filled with holes. The tail itself looked weak, scales missing and flaking off, the shaping not quite right.

"You're alive," the merman said, noticing Cam studying him. He smiled, and it suited his face, which was heart-shaped and healthy in appearance, especially compared to his body and tail. He had dark hair cropped short, dark eyes, and deep flushes of red accentuated his features, colouring the swells of his ears, nose, cheeks and lips so that he looked cold despite the warmth of the sun. Judging by his build he couldn't have been much younger than Cam, and yet his face was deceptively youthful, the eyes bright and the smile cheerful, possessing the same kind of optimistic charm that most children have by nature.

Sighing, the merman gave him a dutiful sort of grimace. "I'd better get going." He started turning himself around on the sand, using his elbows to drag himself around in a circle. "See you around," he said over his shoulder in a casual, happy-go-lucky sort of manner.

Once facing the ocean, he employed the same method of elbow-dragging to tug himself into the water, submerging the underside of his body. Behind him, his tail lay as a dead weight, unmoving and wedged in the sand. Even to Cam's bleary mind, it was obvious that it was slowing him down significantly.

Pursing his lips, the merman glanced back over his shoulder at his mangled tail, and then glanced over at Cam. "This thing is really ruining my dramatic exit," he said with a huff, shaking his head derisively to himself before dragging himself further out into the sea. Eventually he managed to get far out enough to keep his tail afloat, and with a somewhat awkward kick of his tail, he dived down into the ocean, disappearing off into the waters.

Left there alone on the beach, half-drowned and entirely dazed, Cam stared at the spot from which the merman had disappeared. "See you around," the merman had said. That wasn't a promise Cam was all too eager to hold him to.

Whatever the hell that had been, Cam was pretty sure it wasn't going to make his life any easier. One merman had been enough. Now two? Two was sure to be a whole lot of fun.


	2. 2 - Legs Are Required For Stalking

**A/N: **I forgot to mention beforehand that this is set before Zac and Cam's discovery that Nixie, Lyla and Sirena are all mermaids, back in the earlier episodes. Heads up for a dialogue heavy chapter in which people are sassy, I continue to plagiarise Disney, and everyone gets mad at Cam.

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**Legs Are Required For Jumping, Stalking**

"Umm… Cam, as a heads up, Evie's still kind of mad at you," Zac said awkwardly, fidgeting with the strap of his rucksack, which was slung over his shoulder. He walked beside Cam along the pavement, but as he returned to the topic of his girlfriend he distanced himself slightly, stepping off of the kerb to walk along the edge of the road.

"I have a near-death experience with drowning and she's pissed at me for losing her diving equipment?" Cam demanded incredulously, sounding more aggressive than he'd meant to. Smirking casually in an attempt to smooth over his own outburst, he aimed a smile at Zac and tried to calm down. It just so happened, however, that his brush with death was a topic he felt sensitive about.

"You know Evie Cam, she can be a sceptic at times. She thinks you're overplaying the whole nearly dying thing," Zac said, and Cam could tell from his tone that he doubted the truth in his tale too.

"Surely she must have seen the storm? I washed up unconscious on the beach the next morning. It's a miracle that I'm even breathing!" Cam said theatrically, sticking his hands in his pockets and hunching over in something of a sulk. He wasn't particularly keen on Zac probing him about his brush with death, mainly because he hadn't exactly been entirely upfront about the experience. Cam had neglected to mention the merman rescue element of his tale. To the others, he'd only told them about the boat failing, the surprise storm, and then the next morning of waking up washed up on the sand, the blue skies above him.

Even he couldn't quite say why he'd chosen not to tell Zac about the _other _merman. Half of him felt embarrassed by having to be rescued, whilst the other half was privately smug. He liked having that secret to himself. Whilst Zac was off on his magical adventures of discovering himself as a merman, Cam liked the idea of knowing that he wasn't entirely unique. He also thought it would be cruel to crush Zac's dreams, since he'd already lost so much and his new status as Superman with a tail seemed to be the only thing keeping him going. Perhaps someday Cam would tell him, but at that time he enjoyed having that knowledge to himself.

"Evie's just sore because of the loss Cam, she'll be cool in a few days," Zac assured him, readjusting his strap again.

"I suppose it at least gives her a break from being pissed at you, mystery-man," Cam said somewhat bitterly. The pair then continued their walk to school in silence for a while, each stung by one another's comments.

As friends, however, they quickly smoothed over the tenderness and five minutes later they were discussing the homework due that day and playfully slagging off the teachers who had set it. School might be school, complete with all the trials and tribulations involved, but it had the ability to let them both forget about the fact that one of them could end up sporting a tail if they ever touched water. It also buried the tensions that fact caused. From nine till three, five days a week they went back to being the same inseparable best friends they always had been.

It was for this reason that Cam felt that his day, and quite possibly his entire life, was ruined at lunchtime, when he found the separation of school life and merman life blurred.

At the time he was sat with Zac outside on the grass, the pair of them nursing sodas and eating their lunches together, all whilst chatting and leafing through their textbooks. Normally when they had a test next period Evie would come study with them, but as Zac had warned him, Cam found that she was still rather prickly around him. Apparently his loss of the boat and her diving equipment had cost her and the café hundreds of dollars, so he was in her and David's black books. All he'd received that morning was a cold, "Hello Cam." Evie had then turned on her heel and stalked off from him. Cam was just glad she wasn't his girlfriend.

As they bickered about the pros and cons of the idea of Zac going and stealing the mark scheme with his new superpowers, however, Cam noticed something else. At first he barely registered it, something in the corner of his eye that went unnoticed. Then he glanced back at it and was pretty sure he could actually feel his stomach physically dropping.

When the merman who had been his valiant rescuer had said, "See you around," Cam had presumed he didn't actually intend for their paths to cross once again. He'd taken it to be a turn of phrase, another way of saying farewell. Apparently he'd been mistaken.

Stood ten or so metres off from their lunch spot was unmistakably the exact same merman. He was largely obscured by the lunch benches and gathered crowds that lay between them, but even at that distance Cam could make out his face clearly. His dark hair was dry this time, sticking up in badly tamed prongs around his head, and he was no longer coughing up water, but it was undeniably him.

Unfortunately, just as Cam reached this conclusion and was hit with the fight or flight instinct, the merman turned his head towards him and recognition lit up upon his face, his eyes catching Cam's. Cursing mentally, no longer paying attention to Zac's moral dilemma, Cam ducked his head down and prayed that somehow the merman hadn't spotted him.

This hope was utterly and completely destroyed, however, when the merman reappeared standing straight before them. "We meet again," the merman said, his voice perfectly friendly, and yet Cam felt as if he'd just been stabbed.

Forced out of his rant about moral confliction, Zac squinted up at the newcomer in confusion, never having seen him before in his life. The merman smiled back at him in the same harmless, cheerful manner he had at Cam that morning on the beach, and then went about sitting himself down. This process was made slightly more difficult by the fact that wedged under his arms were crutches. When he was stood, one of his legs was held bent, limp and seemingly unresponsive. Like his tail it appeared damaged, crooked at an odd angle.

After successfully seating himself, the merman used his hands to physically cross his legs over one another and then looked between the two teenage males before him. "Hi," he said, clearly waiting for some kind of verbal response from one of them in the hope of diffusing the obvious tension.

"I don't mean to sound rude," Zac said slowly, glancing over uncertainly at Cam before regarding the new arrival, "but who exactly are you?"

Grinning, appearing pleased to have received the question, the merman offered his hand in greeting. "I'm Kali," he said, and then lowered his voice so as not to be overheard, "the latest resident merman."

Putting his head in his hands, Cam should have known that this was going to happen. Sods law said that if he didn't tell Zac about the merman then of course the valiant rescuer himself would show up to tell Zac all about it. Cam could see exactly where this was going to go.

Beside him, Zac was staring back at the now named merman Kali, too stunned to respond to the offered hand, his eyes wide and stark in his face. "Merman," he repeated, caught between disbelief and shock. "You're a- wait," Zac said, looking slyly over with narrowed eyes at Cam, "when have we met before?"

"_We_ haven't met specifically, but Cam and I had a rather unfortunate run in last Saturday night," Kali supplied helpfully, clearly trying to break the ice with humour, completely unaware that he was digging Cam's grave.

"Oh?" Zac said, probably coming off as curious to Kali, but Cam could hear the anger underneath and he watched on as his best friend clenched his fists at his sides, ripping up clumps of grass around him.

"When I rescued him from certain death?" Kali prompted, waiting for recognition before his confident humour deflated slightly and he switched his gaze over to Cam. "Cam didn't tell you?"

"No, Cam didn't tell me," Zac said slowly, the anger obvious to even Kali now as he glared over at his best friend. "Nor did he tell me that he's been going around discussing me with other mermen he just happens to run into, and then saying nothing about it to me." Zac rose to stand, giving Cam such a dirty look that Cam wouldn't have been surprised if his merman powers made him implode. "I'm just going to go for a bit and leave you two to it, since I would hate to come between anything," he said through gritted teeth. "It was great meeting you Kali."

Leaving Kali and Cam behind, Zac stormed off across the grass, not once looking back at them. "Either he's your extremely possessive boyfriend who is jealous because he thinks you have a thing for mermen, or he really doesn't like people keeping secrets," Kali commented slowly as they watched Zac's retreating figure, looking a little dazed.

"Zac hates liars," Cam informed him, mentally berating himself for not telling Zac about his merman rescue. Now he had both Zac and Evie pissed at him, as well as another merman to deal with. The day could be going better.

Turning to the merman left beside him, his mouth turned down in a thin, displeased line, he studied Kali critically for a moment before speaking. "What are you doing here?" He asked coldly, not in the mood to be civil.

"Look, I didn't know he was going to get mad at you I swear," Kali said quickly, raising his hands in surrender.

Not caring whether or not it had been intentional, Cam sat there without speaking, waiting for an answer. Shrinking back at the venomous gaze he was being shot, Kali sighed and looked repentant. "I'm here because people don't just turn into mermen or mermaids and then get left in the ocean to swim about blindly," Kali said once he realised what Cam wanted from him, lowering his hands to fold them in his lap. "I was sent here by the Higher Mermaid Council to keep an eye on Zac. We've all got a secret to protect, and so that's what I'm here to do: make sure he doesn't blow it."

"Wait, so there's a mermaid council?" Cam asked in disbelief, raising his eyebrows at Kali.

"Of course there's a mermaid council. There's a whole bunch of them, one for every pod. How else would there be any order?" Kali quipped back somewhat patronisingly, shaking his head in exasperation. "The Higher Council is like the united force of them all. Whenever there's a serious problem, it gets reported to the Higher Council. A land boy getting turned into a merman is one of the big issues that get everyone panicked and flustered."

"Well, until Saturday I didn't even know that there were other mermen, or mermaids for that matter, so _excuse_ me," Cam said defensively, returning the merman's attitude in equal measure. He realised that they'd both been speaking a little too loudly and glanced around guiltily at the people surrounding them. Fortunately no one was gaping at them as if they were madmen, so it looked as if they had gone unheard so far.

"I'm not here to cause trouble, for either of you," Kali said more gently this time, leaning forward on his legs and looking at Cam seriously. "However, I'm afraid that the Higher Council view the both of you as a danger. You can understand why, considering the secret they've been protecting for over a millennia."

"Hey, Zac's in no hurry to become a freak show either," Cam said quickly, beginning to get the feeling that this was all getting a little too sketchy and pseudo-mafia for his liking. If this kid started making him offers he couldn't refuse, he'd have to run for it.

"Then we're on the same side," Kali said simply with that same disarmingly friendly smile as before, looking far too innocent for someone who worked for the suspicious Higher Council. Cam would have to be careful around this one.

"If merfolk are such a big secret though, how come you went and rescued me so easily? If I hadn't had Zac as my best friend, I would have freaked out upon waking up and finding a merman beside me," Cam pointed out with a wry smile, hoping to catch the merman out.

"Oh, I did my research before coming all the way down here. I know all about you, Zac, his parents, Evie, all of you. I didn't want to come unprepared." Kali recited his speech with pride, but all Cam could help thinking was _stalker_.

"If you'd turned out to be someone else who didn't know the secret, I would have had to kill you," Kali said in an off-hand manner, still wearing his habitual sweet smile. Cam stared back at him. The merman was disabled, surely he could outrun him. But what if the crutches were all part of the act? What if they concealed some secret, evil merman weapon?

His panic ended when the merman started sniggering to himself, doubling over. "Your face," Kali panted between laughs, leaving Cam feeling royally stupid. "I swear, that one never gets old."

"You're an arsehole, you know that right?" Cam said flatly.

"No, but in all seriousness, I knew who you were when I hauled your ass back to the beach. Merfolk aren't supposed to go around rescuing anyone anytime they please."

Nodding to himself, taking it all in, Cam glanced back around at the school grounds for any sign of Zac, but found him absent. He wondered how Zac would respond to knowing that he now had a merman sent especially just to keep an eye on him. He knew that Zac would forgive him for lying eventually, after an explanation and a peace gift of free pizza. For now though, he had to deal with the merman beside him himself.

"So what, are you going to be following us around wearing sunglasses and a false moustache, or do you realise that this is a public school and that if anyone notices that you're not supposed to be here, you'll be kicked out?" Cam asked dryly, squinting around to check that security wasn't already on his tail. He then made a mental note to use that expression as a witty pun some time. Having merman friends at least opened up many new comedic opportunities.

"Actually, I think you'll find that I am an enrolled pupil at this institution now, as I am legally obligated to be," Kali told him curtly, grinning when Cam raised a doubtful eyebrow at him. "I start classes tomorrow, and Miss Santos is kindly giving me a guided tour this afternoon."

"Great," Cam said in deadpan, turning his attention to the grass as he picked at it contemptuously.

And so that was how it came to be that school was no longer a safe haven from fish-related problems, and Cam was in the bad books of both his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend. Oh, and David's too, but then David was so good-natured that Cam doubted he could hold a grudge for long.

At least he had one thing; he'd been right. Two mermen were bound to be trouble.


	3. 3 - Poor Unfortunate Souls

**A/N: **As it says on my profile, writing will be slow for a while because _exams_.

Anyway, here be a chapter plentiful in explanations and merfolk lore, or at least as much as I could fit in before Zac threw a strop. The next one is intended to be less dialogue-heavy, but forgive me my weaknesses; I enjoy writing banter. Even if it's banter polluted by horrible, nasty things like _facts_ and _plot devices_. I hope you enjoy and apologies for my slow updating speed.

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**Poor Unfortunate Souls**

It seemed that Cam was on a roll for correctly predicting the future. If things continued this way, he'd have to set up his own psychic business.

That very evening he found himself settled into the blissful comfort of Zac's bed, sat cross-legged upon the duvet with open pizza boxes littered around him. They'd been his treat to his sulking best friend, accompanied by an apology and a lengthy amount of grovelling. Upon answering the door, Zac's disgruntled expression had suggested that he felt no wish to forgive Cam, but the merman's stomach had gotten the best of him, and for the sakes of pizza he'd invited Cam in.

As for Kali, he was perched delicately on the corner of the bed, not quite welcome to join in with the pizza feast. He'd accepted the slice Cam had offered him, but hadn't asked for more, instead silently studying the two land-boys with wide, curious eyes. The watchful gaze was slightly unnerving, but it seemed nervous rather than judgemental. Kali appeared to be more on edge than anything else, and in a way Cam felt guilty about how out of place he seemed, but then what could he do? Everyone had to be the new kid some time.

In regard to Zac, he was going to town on the seafood toppings, wolfing back food as if he needed it more than air to breathe. He was still slightly frosty towards the other two, but it was hard to hold a grudge when comforted by the warm ooze of melted cheese.

"So, Kali," Zac said after swallowing a mouthful, breaking the silence that had previously been filled only by the noise of pizza-consumption, "you're a merman?"

"Born and raised," Kali confirmed with a small smile, his previous charisma subdued by his discomfort.

It was then Zac's turn to study the new arrival, looking him over in search of any tale-tale signs. There were none; Kali looked perfectly human, just like Zac did when he was in a water-free zone. He even had the human characteristics down to a point, his mannerisms and behaviours all seeming perfectly ordinary.

Once he was done studying Kali, Zac straightened and inhaled, assuming a businesslike manner. "So there are more of us?" He guessed.

"More mermaids, yes," Kali answered dutifully, bobbing his head in agreement before adding, "Mermen, not so much."

"What, why?" Zac said quickly, asking the obvious question.

Grimacing awkwardly, Kali sat back and scratched the side of his neck, pausing to choose his words carefully. "Well… a lot of things went down that led to mermaids and mermen being at odds with one another. It was all very dramatic; lives lost, a world-threatening war, the near extinction of the entire species. You know, the usual."

"Chicks eh?" Cam muttered from between the two of them, earning himself a flat glare from Zac and a wry smile from Kali. He couldn't help but feel as if he were somehow third-wheeling on the mermen meeting, but at least he still got the job of comedic commentary – as vital a role as any.

"Actually it was the men who started it," Kali informed him. "Mermen are, physically speaking, far more powerful then mermaids, just like in the human world. And just like in the human world, mermen chose to abuse and exploit that fact. They were pretty clichéd bad-guys actually; they attempted world-domination and even tried to enslave the rest of their species. Fortunately, in the end, they were defeated," Kali explained with the same informal speech patterns and loose grin as before. The familiarity of using dry humour as an icebreaker set Cam at ease, but Zac didn't seem so easily taken, his lips pressed into a small, tight line.

"Sounds like you're on the mermaids' side," Zac noted, a touch of defensiveness showing in his voice.

"Well, they did raise me," Kali said reasonably, shrugging. "Plus I've read enough books and seen enough films to know that anyone who attempts world-domination and slavery is probably not the good-guy. Of course, all of this was centuries ago. Nowadays mermen are no longer considered a relevant threat since they're essentially extinct, and all that remains now is the fear. Hence the reason I'm here."

"Right, Cam mentioned that," Zac said. "You're here on behalf of the mermaid government to keep an eye on me, right?"

"Exactly," Kali confirmed as he fidgeted with his legs, using his hands to manually move the disabled one into a more comfortable position. "Although it's nothing as ominous as Cam seems to believe it to be. I'm just here to make sure you don't out us to the big wide world, and that you aren't going to be a threat. You haven't been experiencing any deep cravings for ultimate power and a tyrannical rule lately, have you?"

"No more than usual," Zac replied coolly.

"Good then, we can all be friends," Kali said brightly, folding his hands in his lap and smiling at them both cheerfully.

A moment of silence passed as they let it all sink in, the tales of killer mermen certainly something to swallow. Then Cam's curiosity got the best of him. "So… if mermen aren't around anymore, how come you and Zac exist?" Cam inquired.

"Well, Zac was turned into a merman because he fell into the moon pool during the full moon. Technically speaking, that means that anyone could grow a tail, although it tends to be more complicated than that," Kali explained, making various senseless gestures with his hands.

"As for me, I was born in a slightly less magical way. I was created scientifically, cultivated and grown in a test-tube, so to speak. It was all part of the mermaids' attempt to bring mermen back into the real world safely. They sought to genetically alter us so that males and females would be physical equals in power."

Kali tapped his dead leg wistfully and grimaced. "Unfortunately, that didn't work out so well. Most of the attempts failed, or died within the next few months after being 'born'. I'm considered a success case, but obviously I didn't turn out perfectly either. As a result, the programme is as good as terminated. Still, it was a nice idea."

"But if there are no dudes…" Cam said slowly, carefully brushing over Kali's moment of sentimentality. He'd known the merman for less than a day, but even so he could still tell that the subject of his disability didn't exactly elicit warm and happy feelings in him. "How do mermaids… you know… get down to business?"

Snorting, his moment of melancholy vanishing as it was replaced by a grin, Kali shook his head at the blonde. "That's such a human question. Mermaids have their ways. There are some rogue mermen swimming around out there, or they can use land men to a certain extent. There are alternative methods too… but nothing you particularly want me to describe in detail."

"What about the kids? I mean do you guys lay eggs or-"

"Whilst I'm glad that my species' reproduction issues seem to matter so much to you, I'm not really supposed to discuss our young with you two. It's something of a sensitive topic. Especially with the merman shortage," Kali said coldly, his humour absent as his lips pursed together, making it clear that they weren't going to get anything more out of him on that particular matter.

"What about the males?" Zac asked quietly, having not spoken for a while; finally waking up from is internal monologue. "What about the kids or eggs or _whatever _that are born male?"

It didn't take a genius to work out that Zac had breeched yet another unwelcome topic as Kali froze, his shoulders pulling back and tightening defensively. He didn't answer for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip as he looked back at Zac. "It's not a perfect system," he confessed finally, his voice quiet and yet in the tense silence it was clear and crisp. "After what happened, the mermaids could be called paranoid, but then again they could be doing the only sensible thing. It's not an obvious right or wrong situation. And that's why they're still trying to find alternatives."

With the evasion of the question giving them their answer, Cam and Zac didn't know how to respond. Just yesterday, Zac's powers had seemed new and exciting, their only restriction the danger of being found out. Neither of them had anticipated such a venomous world to be attached to them.

"I'm sorry, I know that this is a lot to take in all at once," Kali said quietly, the unspoken apology for his people and their actions worded in his tone. "I can go, if you'd like. I'd understand if you wanted some time to think this all over."

"That might be best," Zac said before Cam could dismiss Kali's suggestion as ridiculous. "We'll see you at school tomorrow?"

"Yep," Kali said, sliding off of the bed and picking up his crutches, standing. "Thanks for the pizza."

"You're welcome," Cam mumbled after him as Kali gave them a brief, half-hearted wave and then moved back over to the door. With a slightly downtrodden, "goodbye," the merman left, leaving them alone in momentary silence.

"You didn't have to kick him out Zac," Cam scolded his friend disapprovingly once he was sure that Kali was gone.

"I'm afraid I did," Zac said with a sigh, putting his face in his hands and massaging his temples. "I don't think I could have taken any more of that in one evening. I mean, did you hear what he was saying?"

"So you're now part of a super race that tried to enslave mermaid kind, big deal. And sure, the mermaids themselves sound shadier than the Borgias, but at least Kali seems relatively normal. You didn't have to take it out on him."

"He's one of them Cam," Zac pointed out flatly, his face still obscured by his fingers. "I just- it's a lot to process, like he said."

With the pizza now finished, the silence felt awkward, nothing available to occupy their fingers and mouths with. Fumbling with his hands in his lap, Cam glanced around for something to say, and then sighed. "At least you know you're not alone anymore," he said hopefully, trying to find the silver lining.

"Not sure if I want to be a part of the infant-killing, tyranny-prone race of merkind thanks," Zac retorted dully, although as he spoke he drew his hands back from his face.

"You're not one of them Zac," Cam reminded him gently, watching his best friend struggle with his new identity. "And neither Kali nor anyone else can make you one of them."

"Yeah," Zac said blandly, his eyes staring absently at the opposite wall.

Inhaling sharply, Zac straightened out of his slump and smiled at Cam. "Sorry for being a dick to you at school. I guess I did the classic misunderstanding thing and acted like an asshole about it."

"It's fine, I should have told you about my valiant rescuer," Cam said with a sheepish smile, glad that they were back to the security of friendship.

"Yeah, you should have done. But I can see why you didn't." Zac grinned cheekily like a five-year old and elbowed Cam in the ribs. "You were a total damsel in distress there Cam."

"Piss off," Cam snapped back teasingly, shoving Zac back before they devolved into a typical wrestling match.

Like always Zac would win, but at least it gave Cam the excuse to punch him a few times. In all of this, the mermen and the magic powers, it was never about Cam. He didn't want to seem selfish by whining about it though. He was fine with Zac being in the limelight. Mostly.


End file.
